Updated: Feb 1
Today is the day I will either live or die! The nurse pushes my wheelchair down a dimly lit hospital hall and I stare at the fluorescent lights flickering eerily overhead. It is 6 a.m. most patients in the hospital were medicated and quietly slumbering, but not me. I was about to receive a five-organ transplant.
We ride the elevator down lower and lower, finally reaching the first floor of the hospital. I feel like a soldier heading into fight the biggest battle of my life. The elevator doors open, and a blast of cold air welcomes me. My nurse wheels me down one last, silent hall toward the operating room. My heart is beginning to beat rapidly and the words “I don’t want to die! Please God let me live!" start pounding in my head in cadence with the rhythm of my heart. The nurse slams her hand against a red button on the wall and two heavy doors whoosh open.
We enter an operating room with equipment everywhere. The smell of sterile disinfectant assaults my nose, immediately I feel like I am going to vomit.
As I visually scan my surroundings, I see multiple I.V. poles, large silver trays of countless stainless-steel instruments, and high tech medical equipment lining the walls, encroaching upon my personal space. A surgical nurse gently pulls the scratchy, starched, white hospital blanket from my lap. “Walk to the table and lie on your back.”
These simple words, the most difficult instructions I have ever been asked to follow in my entire life. I don’t think I can do this. I closed my eyes tightly for a brief moment trying to hold back my tears. These were tears of joy. I was feeling such an immense sense of gratitude because this was the day I had been waiting for, this was a gift. I was about to receive the organs I so desperately needed to go on living. This was the answer that my family and I had been praying for.
As I picture the image of my husband and three young children. My emotions crash like a tidal wave. A tsunami of grief floods through my mind. Will I ever see them again? A new emotion of unbearable sadness overwhelms me. Another salty tear tries to escape my tightly closed eyes, this time it was not a happy tear but a tear of pure terror!
I swallow hard and take a deep breath and I stand up from my wheelchair. Intense fear surges through every vein in my body. I know at this moment, I have to walk. I have to take these first steps towards the narrow, black, padded table and just simply lie down. But this is not a simple thing at all.
In my heart I know this is the most defining moment of my life. I will either be taking my final footsteps of mortality, leaving the people I love most, or these steps will become the first footsteps on an amazing new journey, my second chance at life.
At this moment, I feel within my soul a new awakening. I am choosing to claim a new perspective. I use every fiber in my being, every ounce of courage I can muster. Determined, I make my decision. I am going to live!
I focus my gaze upon the surgical table. Then I mentally will strength to my knees so they won't buckle. I push my hands firmly against the padded arm rests of my wheelchair and... I stand up. I walk. I take my first few steps on my new journey! I lower my frail body onto the operating table. This is my choice. I will choose my new perspective. I choose to see the possibilities in life!
Our choices in life can have the most profound effects on who we are and who we ultimately become. We may not always choose our circumstances, but we always have the ability to choose our perspective, see the possibilities, and choose to live with intention.
Those first steps and that defining moment continues on today. From "life warrior" to "life coach" I am on a mission to be a powerful advocate, teaching others how to succeed in ways they never thought possible!
Let me be your personal mentor to guide you and help you apply the skills to make powerful choices and enhance your life. https://www.melindacoaching.com/work-with-me